Maybe I should give up FB…
So this was going to start out as an injunction to others to be careful what they post on FB, and not just in the mundane security senses ie, never post “I’m going on vacation for the next three weeks and I’m leaving the key under the mat so that the person who waters my exotic plants and feeds my expensive cat can get in” unless you want someone to nick both your plants and the cat… and the more I started thinking the more I began to think that maybe the problem wasn’t the other people it was me. Or FB. Or something. Probably mainly me and a bit FB too.
On a tangentially related topic- related because I saw it on FB- I followed a link from a FB-friend to an article talking about how even nominal Christians were engaging in premarital ‘relations’ at a rate pretty much on par with their secular counterparts of the same age and gender. What my FB-friend had commented on it (on FB not on the post which had a hilariously flame-filled comments section btw) was ‘Get married earlier. Seriously. What’s the worst that could happen, you’d be poor?’ I felt as though someone had prodded me in the stomach with the ‘it’s-all-your-fault-western-civilization-is-failing’ stick…
What.
The.
Hell.
Really?? Obviously, that’s the answer, get married younger! You! Lovey-dovey young people! Get your rears in gear and get yourselves properly wedded! Quick! Better to marry than to burn! You must be afraid of poverty but DON’T worry, God will provide! And if He doesn’t at least there’s WIC so you won’t starve!
The fb-friend in question is someone I’ve never met in real life. She’s married to a guy I went to college with. I felt like posting back words to the effect of “I’d love to get married but I’m just not as fortunate at getting a guy as you are, Mrs. Jones.”
One of her other friends shortly thereafter did post something like ‘Takes two to tango’ and I had to like that instead of posting what I wanted to…
I would _happily_ have accepted poverty, a crappy place to live, no car and a stack of student loans if it meant marrying Mr. RightForMe (Writing it all down like that though looks a bit wrong-headed…). Unfortunately he hasn’t turned up yet and I am assuming he must either be somewhere with lousy GPS reception or he’s got his map the wrong way around… so until he does show up, I will *gaspshockhorror* have to manage on my own. Which, by the way, means having student loans steadily getting paid off, living in a decent place and working a decent job which is practically a vocation. I’m getting debt-free and sorting my life out. There are worse places and ways to do it than this.
It was a kind of flippant comment for the woman in question to make but she underlined it by saying ‘no seriously’… seriously… Okay lady. Seriously. You go out there and find some eligible guys for me, club them over the head a few times and convince them that they have to marry me in order to save western civilization... Because I’m not going to be chasing anyone. Goes against my everything.
Oh, and I read the linked article, I found it hilarious in its unimaginativeness. There was a line in there that said something about ‘People waiting into their twenties and thirties- what do we tell them, keep waiting?’… Duh.
Ooh…and my other favourite line was a quote from a subject matter expert who was talking about how in biblical times people married young and didn’t really play the field prior to marriage due to that.
So…marry young hm? Setting aside for a moment the (for some poor unfortunates) insurmountable obstacle of NOT KNOWING MR/MS RIGHT, at what age should people be getting married?
And this is what really gets under my skin and burrows around like a creepy horrible bug… This line of thought ‘Better to marry than to burn, quick marry ‘em off before they disgrace themselves/us’ is unpleasantly familiar sounding. Now where have I heard that before? Oh right. From crazed ayatollahs. From people who say it’s okay to marry an eight year old as long as you promise not to consummate the marriage until she’s 12….
Now, no Christians would do something crazy like that, right? … Right? …
I feel as though there is a distant but shrill and hysterical chorus of people chanting an angry chant at ‘heretical’ successful young single women of the faith. “Misguided Women with Feminist Leanings! Marriage and babies! Western Civilisation depends on YOU! Marriage and babies! Repent and be married and have lots of babies!”
Not quite as distant/shrill/hysterical is the burbling of newly-marrieds “We’re pregnant! Life is awesome when you’re married! We’re awesome and happily married! Did we mention we’re pregnant? Life! Maternity! We’re pregnant again!”
And realistically I know that these women are artfully leaving out the messy/squick moments of marriage/pregnancy/childrearing. And I know that. But they are in the enviable position where the segments of society that we actually care about- ie friends/family/Church-at-Large approve of them. The working single women are looked upon by the same segments as a bit unfortunate and secular coworkers are apt to mistake ‘doesn’t do casual relationships’ for ‘never gets out and don’t bother trying to get to know her’.
Marginalized by one and ignored by the other. Lovely.
Thankfully I know some sane marrieds with sweet kid/s and they are awesome. There aren’t as many of them as there are of the other type, but nonetheless, they are awesome.
End Rant...
Showing posts with label single. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single. Show all posts
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
So, me not posting anything for a long time isn't AT ALL unusual, although I have a rather better than usual excuse for this particular six months of absolutely nothing on this blog. And I was going to write this awesome post because I just got inspired standing in line at Panera but unfortunately I didn't manage to pack MacAlister's powercord... go me... I packed _sunscreen_ and not the power cord. But seriously if it's the only thing I forget this weekend, I'm doing pretty darn outstanding!
So right, inspiration in line at Panera. A post elsewhere entitled 'Can't Even Go to the Park' by a homeschooling mom talking about PDA in the park has been ticking over in the back of my brain. I was trying to think of where I was on the spectrum. I don't have kids yet so obviously my POV on PDA levels is quite different. And the PDA I couldn't help but see in line at Panera was obviously het. It still made me throw up in my mouth a little, which, right before a good meal is seriously suboptimal.
It wasn't gropey making-out or anything terribly obnoxious but it still provoked a reaction from me. It was hand holding, body holding, hand kissing, shoulder-kissing(??) and it made me think about what was and what wasn't acceptable PDA in public. Prior to this evening I had thought that I was pretty much okay with everything up to kissing in public. A peck on the cheek, okay. And these were just pecks but there were a LOT of them. And before I get any accusations of being some kind of voyuer I will repeat, I really couldn't help but see them. I did eventually stare at the sign over their head and roll my eyes theatrically. I did manage to stop myself from sighing audibly but it was a near run thing.
I realise acceptable PDA levels are different in different cultures, but sometimes I think it's just incredibly insensitive of couples to be so wrapped up in themselves and expressing their LURVE for each other at all times and in all places. I'm starting to think I've been in uniform for too long- if you SHOULDN'T do it in uniform you probably SHOULDN'T do it in public at all....
And on that, note that I said 'shouldn't' not 'can't' because I realise there are dumb people out there who 'do' anyway... and at least in my tiny corner of the world they can get masted for it.
Am I an evil grumpy single? Yup. Don't inflict your coupleness on the world, couples of the world!
(Sidenote: Would I be happy in an Islamic theocracy that prohibits PDA on pain of pain? Hell no. Because I believe that being able to choose to do the right thing is far superior to being FORCED to do the right thing...)
(Additional sidenote- link to the homeschooling mom's post will be provided at a later date and time when I have a powercord...)
Dedicated to: The couple in front of me in line at Panera that I will quite likely never, ever see again.
Coming soon! Catholic-bashing conversation overheard at Panera! Praying for infidels instead of overturning their soup bowls on their heads! (Why is it that the correct thing and the thing that would be entertaining are rarely the same?)
So right, inspiration in line at Panera. A post elsewhere entitled 'Can't Even Go to the Park' by a homeschooling mom talking about PDA in the park has been ticking over in the back of my brain. I was trying to think of where I was on the spectrum. I don't have kids yet so obviously my POV on PDA levels is quite different. And the PDA I couldn't help but see in line at Panera was obviously het. It still made me throw up in my mouth a little, which, right before a good meal is seriously suboptimal.
It wasn't gropey making-out or anything terribly obnoxious but it still provoked a reaction from me. It was hand holding, body holding, hand kissing, shoulder-kissing(??) and it made me think about what was and what wasn't acceptable PDA in public. Prior to this evening I had thought that I was pretty much okay with everything up to kissing in public. A peck on the cheek, okay. And these were just pecks but there were a LOT of them. And before I get any accusations of being some kind of voyuer I will repeat, I really couldn't help but see them. I did eventually stare at the sign over their head and roll my eyes theatrically. I did manage to stop myself from sighing audibly but it was a near run thing.
I realise acceptable PDA levels are different in different cultures, but sometimes I think it's just incredibly insensitive of couples to be so wrapped up in themselves and expressing their LURVE for each other at all times and in all places. I'm starting to think I've been in uniform for too long- if you SHOULDN'T do it in uniform you probably SHOULDN'T do it in public at all....
And on that, note that I said 'shouldn't' not 'can't' because I realise there are dumb people out there who 'do' anyway... and at least in my tiny corner of the world they can get masted for it.
Am I an evil grumpy single? Yup. Don't inflict your coupleness on the world, couples of the world!
(Sidenote: Would I be happy in an Islamic theocracy that prohibits PDA on pain of pain? Hell no. Because I believe that being able to choose to do the right thing is far superior to being FORCED to do the right thing...)
(Additional sidenote- link to the homeschooling mom's post will be provided at a later date and time when I have a powercord...)
Dedicated to: The couple in front of me in line at Panera that I will quite likely never, ever see again.
Coming soon! Catholic-bashing conversation overheard at Panera! Praying for infidels instead of overturning their soup bowls on their heads! (Why is it that the correct thing and the thing that would be entertaining are rarely the same?)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
With Proper Precautions
So no pics as of yet, I still haven't betaken myself over to Best Buy to acquire the necessary cable but I REALLY have to because this 'entire memory card is full' thing is getting very old. And I have at least one friend who is patiently waiting for photos from over a year ago...
But back to the title of this post. Auntie Seraphic, of Seraphic Singles fame (buy her book, read her book, read her blog, she is awesome), recently posted about her experience of being locked out in the cold and the dark in a foreign country without means of contacting her husband. She brought up some very good points about preparedness and how she was more prepared as a Single than as a Married, or perhaps that her preparedness skills were slipping due to complacency.
I'm thinking about my ideas of preparedness and trying to see if they could use work. You see, I'm feeling very proud of myself due to a recent solo accomplishment. Can I get more cryptic? Yes. Will I? Maybe.
At any rate though, while on the whole I think I did well on this solo jaunt there were a few things that I would of course change if I had unlimited resources etc. For one, if I had any way to avoid it, I wouldn't go alone again. I know now that I _can_ go alone. Bad, terrible, horrible and nasty things will not happen to me simply BECAUSE I'm alone. They might, but my venturing out alone would probably not be the sole factor in it. Well, maybe.
At any rate, I found that by myself- and I mean, completely by myself, out of earshot and eyesight of strangers with an open and empty world around me- I talk to myself. Out loud. I'm pretty sure that's not great. I don't think it's a sign of the 'lock me up now' crazies, but I started to get irritated by my own need for constant audio commentary. It's just that even with signs of civilization around, and not _too_ far away, some part of me needs to be reassured that I'm still connected with the world at large or with some kind of society.
Occasionally, when I wanted to take a picture of a cool place with myself in the picture, I would get depressed because I have realised the misery that is taking a picture of oneself. It really isn't easy. You tend to end up either taking a picture of yourself blinking, or a picture that largely features scenery with half of your face in the picture on an edge.
All in all though, I only had a few really bad moments, the worst of which was once when I got a bit disorientated. I knew where I was when I started off, and I knew where I wanted to go, but somewhere along the way I missed a turn and ended up somewhere unfamiliar and more than a little scary. It was getting dark too, and that was the worst part of it. In daylight, I know the exact same place wouldn't have been nearly as frightening, but at night, on my own, I was really scared. I was especially scared because I had been doing so well. It was like... like riding a bike when you're still a bit wobbily. I'd been doing really well on straight bits and got the hang of corners, but all of a sudden I was pelting down a steep hill (ala Monterey) fraught with intersections with other streets, streetlamps and pedestrians.
Actually if there had been some more people it wouldn't have been so bad. I just had the feeling that I'd fallen off the edge and there was nothing. Finally though I came across some help- and found out that I'd been going pretty much exactly 180 degrees the wrong way. So I had to go back the way I'd come, and that was something I didn't like very much. I was so relieved when I found my landmark again and headed off in the correct direction, watching vigilantly- making sure I wouldn't make a similar mistake again.
So what are the proper precautions I'm talking about? Hmm... Still not really sure myself. I mean, the ones I took were 'blend in in every way possible', 'research' and 'stick to well-travelled areas'. What would I do differently? I honestly don't know. Did I have a wonderful time? Yes. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Would I recommend it? Yup. What would I change? I still have to come back to the fact that 'alone' is not my preferred mode, for all that I'm capable of doing it. I've learned some very valuable things about myself and the world at large, but in the future... who knows?
But back to the title of this post. Auntie Seraphic, of Seraphic Singles fame (buy her book, read her book, read her blog, she is awesome), recently posted about her experience of being locked out in the cold and the dark in a foreign country without means of contacting her husband. She brought up some very good points about preparedness and how she was more prepared as a Single than as a Married, or perhaps that her preparedness skills were slipping due to complacency.
I'm thinking about my ideas of preparedness and trying to see if they could use work. You see, I'm feeling very proud of myself due to a recent solo accomplishment. Can I get more cryptic? Yes. Will I? Maybe.
At any rate though, while on the whole I think I did well on this solo jaunt there were a few things that I would of course change if I had unlimited resources etc. For one, if I had any way to avoid it, I wouldn't go alone again. I know now that I _can_ go alone. Bad, terrible, horrible and nasty things will not happen to me simply BECAUSE I'm alone. They might, but my venturing out alone would probably not be the sole factor in it. Well, maybe.
At any rate, I found that by myself- and I mean, completely by myself, out of earshot and eyesight of strangers with an open and empty world around me- I talk to myself. Out loud. I'm pretty sure that's not great. I don't think it's a sign of the 'lock me up now' crazies, but I started to get irritated by my own need for constant audio commentary. It's just that even with signs of civilization around, and not _too_ far away, some part of me needs to be reassured that I'm still connected with the world at large or with some kind of society.
Occasionally, when I wanted to take a picture of a cool place with myself in the picture, I would get depressed because I have realised the misery that is taking a picture of oneself. It really isn't easy. You tend to end up either taking a picture of yourself blinking, or a picture that largely features scenery with half of your face in the picture on an edge.
All in all though, I only had a few really bad moments, the worst of which was once when I got a bit disorientated. I knew where I was when I started off, and I knew where I wanted to go, but somewhere along the way I missed a turn and ended up somewhere unfamiliar and more than a little scary. It was getting dark too, and that was the worst part of it. In daylight, I know the exact same place wouldn't have been nearly as frightening, but at night, on my own, I was really scared. I was especially scared because I had been doing so well. It was like... like riding a bike when you're still a bit wobbily. I'd been doing really well on straight bits and got the hang of corners, but all of a sudden I was pelting down a steep hill (ala Monterey) fraught with intersections with other streets, streetlamps and pedestrians.
Actually if there had been some more people it wouldn't have been so bad. I just had the feeling that I'd fallen off the edge and there was nothing. Finally though I came across some help- and found out that I'd been going pretty much exactly 180 degrees the wrong way. So I had to go back the way I'd come, and that was something I didn't like very much. I was so relieved when I found my landmark again and headed off in the correct direction, watching vigilantly- making sure I wouldn't make a similar mistake again.
So what are the proper precautions I'm talking about? Hmm... Still not really sure myself. I mean, the ones I took were 'blend in in every way possible', 'research' and 'stick to well-travelled areas'. What would I do differently? I honestly don't know. Did I have a wonderful time? Yes. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Would I recommend it? Yup. What would I change? I still have to come back to the fact that 'alone' is not my preferred mode, for all that I'm capable of doing it. I've learned some very valuable things about myself and the world at large, but in the future... who knows?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
A Mess of Contradictions
Because I'm human. I'm a Trad who wears pants. I'm a Gregorian chant lover who listens to metal. I'm spiritually aware enough to know that I was at the back of the line when awareness was being handed out. I'm right handed but I do random stuff left handed.
I will not be put in a box and classified according to someone else's definition of who or what I am. I will not compromise. I will not lower my standards. I will not be consumed with regret about the past or with fear about the future. I was created by a loving God Who has a good plan for me. To Him, I am beautiful and special. That should be all that I need. I will never forget my dreams, even if I have to put them aside for a while. I will strive to keep a clear head in the present and to do my job to the best of my ability at all times and in all places. I will accept my current limits and love myself while striving to improve myself. I will learn from the past, but I will not allow it to hurt me. I will seek to know God's will in my life and to carry it out.
I will not be put in a box and classified according to someone else's definition of who or what I am. I will not compromise. I will not lower my standards. I will not be consumed with regret about the past or with fear about the future. I was created by a loving God Who has a good plan for me. To Him, I am beautiful and special. That should be all that I need. I will never forget my dreams, even if I have to put them aside for a while. I will strive to keep a clear head in the present and to do my job to the best of my ability at all times and in all places. I will accept my current limits and love myself while striving to improve myself. I will learn from the past, but I will not allow it to hurt me. I will seek to know God's will in my life and to carry it out.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Grateful Single
Very recently I have started to see the penny drop with regards to my single state in life. I have a few things that I am particularly grateful for.
I don’t have to ask permission.
If I want to stay out later at night, if I want to go to a Goth club, if I want to wear my hair a certain way, if I want to talk to a male friend, if I want to go on vacation, I don’t have to ask for permission. Which is a truly beautiful thing. I know so many marrieds who conditionalize everything with “I’ll have to see what the wife thinks” or “My husband would prefer we stay in tonight.”
What I can take away from this as a longer term lesson is that if I am ever supposed to get married, me and the future Mr. Right had better have a very good understanding about such things. I don’t want to ask him for permission on a regular basis, and I don’t want him to have to ask me either. The ideal situation would be that we would specify things that were important- like a special dinner, an anniversary, or even just a ‘bad day’ where mutual support would be greatly appreciated. Other than that we could come and go like grownups- no asking for permission in a marriage of equals. Does that make sense or am I approaching this a bit too much like ‘roomies with benefits’? At any rate, this requires grown-up style communication skills- not sarcasm, not guessing games, not isolationism. If you’re not perfectly honest about what you want and need, the other person can’t know what you’re thinking!
I don’t have to worry about infidelity
Committing to marriage is a Big Damn Commitment, and one that for the right person I would undertake very gladly. But here’s the scary thing- we’re humans. Humans fall, make mistakes and occasionally even run off. A childhood friend of mine was sixteen when her dad up and left with a woman half his age. Granted, he was on mega-painkillers so maybe he wasn’t exactly in his right mind but it doesn’t change the fact that he did it and is responsible on some level. It was devastating to the wife he left behind to raise six kids. They had to sell their house and give away the dog, move to a terrible neighborhood, and the two oldest girls put thoughts of college on hold to work to support Mom and younger siblings. And that’s just the easily quantifiable bad stuff. He wasn’t there for his older teen daughters, when a dad is vitally important to help sort through potential boyfriends (whether or not the daughter agrees with that!). He wasn’t there for his younger teen sons, who at that age desperately need Dad to be a strong role model when peer pressure is strong.
If I ever get married, I’m a little afraid that a corner of my mind will always think I have it way too good and that one day Hubby will find a cuter, younger model and vamoose. Rational fear? Dunno. But it does exist. While I’m single, I don’t have to worry about worrying about infidelity. Yay! One less thing to worry about!
I don’t have to worry about my ability to have children
In this day and age when lots of people are choosing NOT to have kids, or ‘have dogs instead’, this may seem a bit out-dated. But I would like to have kids. In fact, I would so like to have kids that if I never marry I would rather like to adopt- if I can as a single parent… I think you must be able to somehow. I have a second cousin who did that and I think she and her daughter are awesome!
So, my worrying about my ability to have children. My mom miscarried at least three times that we know about. Both my brother and I were ‘miracle babies’. I have a friend who has recently dealt with a miscarriage. I am quite frankly terrified by the idea. As amazing as it must be to have new life inside of you, the flip side of the coin is if something goes wrong, someone died inside of you. That’s terrifying for me. And I think that I would not cope well with that. I might be too scared to ever try again.
But as long as I’m single, it’s not a worry! Hurrah! It is proper to me in my current state (especially in my state of employment at present!) to be childless. But that doesn’t mean I’m not called to be a mother. I’m called to be a spiritual mother at present. Weird, hm? That means I have to pray for people around me who are sort of like my family- in addition to my family of course. Or I could spiritually adopt some children in danger of abortion. Either way, I am responsible to pray for people and do other mom-like things in a spiritual way.
Weirdly enough a few months ago someone asked me if I had any children because I seemed like a motherly person. At the time I didn’t quite know what to think of that. When I seemed confused they said they wondered because I seemed pretty mature for my age… I get that a surprising lot but I also get the “You’re not really __ years old are you? _Really_? You seem a lot younger!” Maybe it all averages out or something….
I know I have many other things to be grateful for, but this is going to be the short list for now. More to follow as the ideas occure to me.
I don’t have to ask permission.
If I want to stay out later at night, if I want to go to a Goth club, if I want to wear my hair a certain way, if I want to talk to a male friend, if I want to go on vacation, I don’t have to ask for permission. Which is a truly beautiful thing. I know so many marrieds who conditionalize everything with “I’ll have to see what the wife thinks” or “My husband would prefer we stay in tonight.”
What I can take away from this as a longer term lesson is that if I am ever supposed to get married, me and the future Mr. Right had better have a very good understanding about such things. I don’t want to ask him for permission on a regular basis, and I don’t want him to have to ask me either. The ideal situation would be that we would specify things that were important- like a special dinner, an anniversary, or even just a ‘bad day’ where mutual support would be greatly appreciated. Other than that we could come and go like grownups- no asking for permission in a marriage of equals. Does that make sense or am I approaching this a bit too much like ‘roomies with benefits’? At any rate, this requires grown-up style communication skills- not sarcasm, not guessing games, not isolationism. If you’re not perfectly honest about what you want and need, the other person can’t know what you’re thinking!
I don’t have to worry about infidelity
Committing to marriage is a Big Damn Commitment, and one that for the right person I would undertake very gladly. But here’s the scary thing- we’re humans. Humans fall, make mistakes and occasionally even run off. A childhood friend of mine was sixteen when her dad up and left with a woman half his age. Granted, he was on mega-painkillers so maybe he wasn’t exactly in his right mind but it doesn’t change the fact that he did it and is responsible on some level. It was devastating to the wife he left behind to raise six kids. They had to sell their house and give away the dog, move to a terrible neighborhood, and the two oldest girls put thoughts of college on hold to work to support Mom and younger siblings. And that’s just the easily quantifiable bad stuff. He wasn’t there for his older teen daughters, when a dad is vitally important to help sort through potential boyfriends (whether or not the daughter agrees with that!). He wasn’t there for his younger teen sons, who at that age desperately need Dad to be a strong role model when peer pressure is strong.
If I ever get married, I’m a little afraid that a corner of my mind will always think I have it way too good and that one day Hubby will find a cuter, younger model and vamoose. Rational fear? Dunno. But it does exist. While I’m single, I don’t have to worry about worrying about infidelity. Yay! One less thing to worry about!
I don’t have to worry about my ability to have children
In this day and age when lots of people are choosing NOT to have kids, or ‘have dogs instead’, this may seem a bit out-dated. But I would like to have kids. In fact, I would so like to have kids that if I never marry I would rather like to adopt- if I can as a single parent… I think you must be able to somehow. I have a second cousin who did that and I think she and her daughter are awesome!
So, my worrying about my ability to have children. My mom miscarried at least three times that we know about. Both my brother and I were ‘miracle babies’. I have a friend who has recently dealt with a miscarriage. I am quite frankly terrified by the idea. As amazing as it must be to have new life inside of you, the flip side of the coin is if something goes wrong, someone died inside of you. That’s terrifying for me. And I think that I would not cope well with that. I might be too scared to ever try again.
But as long as I’m single, it’s not a worry! Hurrah! It is proper to me in my current state (especially in my state of employment at present!) to be childless. But that doesn’t mean I’m not called to be a mother. I’m called to be a spiritual mother at present. Weird, hm? That means I have to pray for people around me who are sort of like my family- in addition to my family of course. Or I could spiritually adopt some children in danger of abortion. Either way, I am responsible to pray for people and do other mom-like things in a spiritual way.
Weirdly enough a few months ago someone asked me if I had any children because I seemed like a motherly person. At the time I didn’t quite know what to think of that. When I seemed confused they said they wondered because I seemed pretty mature for my age… I get that a surprising lot but I also get the “You’re not really __ years old are you? _Really_? You seem a lot younger!” Maybe it all averages out or something….
I know I have many other things to be grateful for, but this is going to be the short list for now. More to follow as the ideas occure to me.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Marriage, Babies, Growing Up
Okay. What precipitated this post was a seemingly endless stream of comments/status updates and whatnot on FB about people getting married or having babies, or in other strange ways being 'Grown Up'.
I have nothing against marriage, babies or growing up. I think these are all great things. Nor do I deny that anyone/everyone has the right to post whatever they please about any of these three. Yay, freedom of speech/net neutrality/whatnot.
I love my married friends. (MarineJoe and MarineWife! SailorD and Coriel! WriterJohn and EmilyPost!)
I love my married friends with kids. (MiniMaz! BB! SmallMark!)
I love my 'grown-up' friends! (Una! TeacherMatt!)
I just am starting to feel a bit out of the proverbial loop. I want marriage and kids and 'grownup' status (which for me means living in my own apartment with or without roommates, and having a car). I know I have a long way to go. I know God's plans for me are good. It's just hard to keep it in mind sometimes. It's hard to not get frustrated or angry or impatient. It's hard to wonder how much of your aloneness is your own fault and how much it's just the luck of the draw or divine providence. And I'm afraid that I'm failing to be properly thankful for the time I have right now to go out and do what I like until the wee hours, or to hone my writing skills, or to do other fun things without anyone accusing me of being selfish or not holding up my end of a relationship. How much am I missing out on the things that are appropriate to my station in life? How much time am I wasting watching TV or even just sleeping? What else could and should I be doing? Aside from studying of course.
Sometimes it's overwhelming. Like right now. Finals are in less than a month. I know what I need to do. I know I don't have much time in which to get the needed studying done. But in some very dangerous respects I'm finding it difficult to care. I have material success of a sort right now. I'm essentially being paid to go to school. I think up until now I've done an all-right job in keeping myself motivated. I've acknowledged that my job isn't all I've hoped for, that I don't have to like it, I just have to do it.
But I can't help but feel that if I was sharing my life with just one other person, it would be easier for me to deal with it all. Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't. I could see things being exponentially harder if I had a kid right now. But some selfish, materialistic, comfort oriented part of me wants someone to come home to every night. I want that so much I'm having trouble enjoying being single and that has got to stop!
I'm young! I have so much to live for! Why is it so much harder to go out there and live than you think it will be? It requires effort- requires rolling out of bed and getting dressed, and putting on a smile even if you don't feel like smiling and facing society at large. What a pain... But it's something you've got to do every so often or you go off the deep end. Besides as a writer I can't afford to isolate myself from the rest of humanity. The rest of humanity makes for great story material!
Wow... I've gotten a bit off topic.
Basically, the flaw I have here is jealousy. This is me recognising it, quantifying it and attempting to combat it. We'll see how it goes.
The next month or so will be insanely busy. I shouldn't have time to post. If I do, it means something is seriously wrong. If anyone reads this blog, say a prayer for me, okay?
Thanks....
I have nothing against marriage, babies or growing up. I think these are all great things. Nor do I deny that anyone/everyone has the right to post whatever they please about any of these three. Yay, freedom of speech/net neutrality/whatnot.
I love my married friends. (MarineJoe and MarineWife! SailorD and Coriel! WriterJohn and EmilyPost!)
I love my married friends with kids. (MiniMaz! BB! SmallMark!)
I love my 'grown-up' friends! (Una! TeacherMatt!)
I just am starting to feel a bit out of the proverbial loop. I want marriage and kids and 'grownup' status (which for me means living in my own apartment with or without roommates, and having a car). I know I have a long way to go. I know God's plans for me are good. It's just hard to keep it in mind sometimes. It's hard to not get frustrated or angry or impatient. It's hard to wonder how much of your aloneness is your own fault and how much it's just the luck of the draw or divine providence. And I'm afraid that I'm failing to be properly thankful for the time I have right now to go out and do what I like until the wee hours, or to hone my writing skills, or to do other fun things without anyone accusing me of being selfish or not holding up my end of a relationship. How much am I missing out on the things that are appropriate to my station in life? How much time am I wasting watching TV or even just sleeping? What else could and should I be doing? Aside from studying of course.
Sometimes it's overwhelming. Like right now. Finals are in less than a month. I know what I need to do. I know I don't have much time in which to get the needed studying done. But in some very dangerous respects I'm finding it difficult to care. I have material success of a sort right now. I'm essentially being paid to go to school. I think up until now I've done an all-right job in keeping myself motivated. I've acknowledged that my job isn't all I've hoped for, that I don't have to like it, I just have to do it.
But I can't help but feel that if I was sharing my life with just one other person, it would be easier for me to deal with it all. Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't. I could see things being exponentially harder if I had a kid right now. But some selfish, materialistic, comfort oriented part of me wants someone to come home to every night. I want that so much I'm having trouble enjoying being single and that has got to stop!
I'm young! I have so much to live for! Why is it so much harder to go out there and live than you think it will be? It requires effort- requires rolling out of bed and getting dressed, and putting on a smile even if you don't feel like smiling and facing society at large. What a pain... But it's something you've got to do every so often or you go off the deep end. Besides as a writer I can't afford to isolate myself from the rest of humanity. The rest of humanity makes for great story material!
Wow... I've gotten a bit off topic.
Basically, the flaw I have here is jealousy. This is me recognising it, quantifying it and attempting to combat it. We'll see how it goes.
The next month or so will be insanely busy. I shouldn't have time to post. If I do, it means something is seriously wrong. If anyone reads this blog, say a prayer for me, okay?
Thanks....
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy New Year!
From the aftermath of a southern wedding!
Hello dear unlikely readers of this humble blog! I have been to a wedding today! And I have learned a great deal! I have learned the following in particular:
_ A reception doesn't have to have dancing to be a success.
_ If you don't put wedding favours at the individual plates people won't realise that they are in fact favours and will instead confuse them for inedible/non-take home decorations.
_ You never know who will share your taste in clever television.
_ A guest book is a good idea, so you can get all your guests' addresses and mail them thank you notes.
_ Be tactful at all times, you never know who's where.
_ What a person doesn't know won't hurt them.
_ If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
_ Always pack something a little dressy (case in point, almost forgot to bring my skirt. Would have been a bad, bad mistake!)
_ If a saleswoman says you can fit a certain size just fine and you doubt it, haggle and insist on getting your way for the money you're spending on it!
_ If you are going solo, make sure you have good single friend who you can vent to and who can keep you in check when the estrogen hormones do their silly little dances.
New Years Resolutions
1. 1.5 mile in 14.00. (Let's not be too ambitious.)
2. Greater charity towards all. (A nice, vague goal.)
3. Good grades. (3.7 and better?)
4. Freedom from the past. (What does this even mean?)
5. Think happy thoughts.
6. Pray more often.
7. Something totally awesome to make up for my otherwise lame NYs Resolutions.
And all that said, I'm going to retire for the night at a mere 8 o'clock after being dress-coded. I have an early day tomorrow, and a weirdly long flight. Hope I can keep my brain in gear!
Hello dear unlikely readers of this humble blog! I have been to a wedding today! And I have learned a great deal! I have learned the following in particular:
_ A reception doesn't have to have dancing to be a success.
_ If you don't put wedding favours at the individual plates people won't realise that they are in fact favours and will instead confuse them for inedible/non-take home decorations.
_ You never know who will share your taste in clever television.
_ A guest book is a good idea, so you can get all your guests' addresses and mail them thank you notes.
_ Be tactful at all times, you never know who's where.
_ What a person doesn't know won't hurt them.
_ If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
_ Always pack something a little dressy (case in point, almost forgot to bring my skirt. Would have been a bad, bad mistake!)
_ If a saleswoman says you can fit a certain size just fine and you doubt it, haggle and insist on getting your way for the money you're spending on it!
_ If you are going solo, make sure you have good single friend who you can vent to and who can keep you in check when the estrogen hormones do their silly little dances.
New Years Resolutions
1. 1.5 mile in 14.00. (Let's not be too ambitious.)
2. Greater charity towards all. (A nice, vague goal.)
3. Good grades. (3.7 and better?)
4. Freedom from the past. (What does this even mean?)
5. Think happy thoughts.
6. Pray more often.
7. Something totally awesome to make up for my otherwise lame NYs Resolutions.
And all that said, I'm going to retire for the night at a mere 8 o'clock after being dress-coded. I have an early day tomorrow, and a weirdly long flight. Hope I can keep my brain in gear!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)