Back on the Blogosphere?

Maybe, maybe not. I'm currently working nights, which leaves me with some extremely anti-social awake times. You'd think that would inspire me to new heights of intellectual brilliance and blog-posting but it has in fact done the opposite and I seem to spend most of my free time wishing I was inspired and doing nothing to inspire myself very much. This should change. A lot has happened since April. I have gone places and done stuff. I have learned things and taught others, I have had some ups and some downs. I keep coming back to this blog and thinking I should update more often. And in the past I have said I would. I've said that so often that I'm pretty sure my handful of readers don't believe me! :) And today I am not going to say anything incredibly ambitious like 'I'll post once a week from here on out', because it's not fair or true. One day at a time, one post at a time, time will pass. I tried giving myself what I hoped was a multi-part project with the Partisans article, but after I posted the first post I felt I may have said too much of what I was thinking, and maybe the world at large didn't need part two. I'm considering posting some pics from some of my travels on here, because with a visual cue I think it might be easier to write. I've considered writing seven posts on one day and robo-posting them. I still might try that some time. We'll see...

On having many great ideas...

Right up until the point that I have internet access for a significant period of time. All week (sometimes all fortnight), I have great, clever ideas rushing through my brain, some of which are actually fit to be posted for general consumption of friends/allies. And then I have a period of time imposed upon me (in this case, getting my car's oil changed) when I have FREE internet access- and a sudden total lack of ideas. Argh. It seems unavoidable, but I realise that there are probably some good/easy workarounds, like keeping a list somewhere on my computer of the things that I think of when I don't have internet. Or of setting myself a challenge to write something every day for a week even if I don't have internet access and then posting it back-dated once a week. Or, if I'm really stumped for ideas, just write about the last movie I saw (The Tunnel, it was pretty good but I liked Max Manus (last-but-one movie) better). Or I could talk about future plans and projects, like my prospective Nano in November (provided of course, that I am still here in November and not in Parts Unknown). I have a beta reader who is poking me in the direction of a sequel to last year's nano but I'm not sure I'm up for that yet... it'll depend how many edits must be made to last year's... Incidentally, writing historical fiction requires a LOT of research and I don't recommend writing stuff that will require you to do research in languages you don't speak. Not that this has ever stopped me... >.< I suppose I could always ask the Readership what they would like to see on my blog, so consider yourselves asked, people! ;) What do you want to read about? Daily life down here, my con-lang, future plans, fan/original fic, whatever comes into my brain at random? Other things to write about... I suppose I could write about past travels. I might do that. It depends on how much effort it'll be for me to upload all of my Lithuania or Switzerland pics. So yes. For now, that is all. If I'm still online in another hour or so, maybe I'll start something...

4 Year Anniversary (Approximately)

So I was feeling a little out of sorts recently, nothing big just a nagging feeling of depression/anxiety/ick. And it occurs to me that maybe I shouldn't be blogging this. But I'm going to keep Auntie Seraphic's maxim in mind, this will be something that could be read at my funeral with hopefully the minimum of embarrassment to the living. And then I remembered. Approximately four years ago I graduated (better people than I can remember the exact date- I'm going with 'it was June'). That seems like a million years ago and no time at all, all at once. It's very, very strange. And of course when I started thinking about graduation a wealth of memories came up. It's so strange to think that one of the happiest days of my life was followed by one of the saddest/most frustrating (NB: I realise that this is not THE saddest day of my life and nor is it likely to ever be among the top five. I'm reserving those spots for the death of loved ones etc, but take it from me, it was/will be probably in my top ten). I felt like my world had bottomed out and there was nothing I could do. I went from having a plan and direction and a sense that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing to 'world-bottomed-out' in less than 24 hours, with a longer term and indirect result in my current career path. I'm trying to think of what I can take away from this that's profound, but I'm having trouble. I suppose the simplest and most obvious take-away is that the world didn't end. It was lousy for a little while, I was semi-homeless for a little while, and it took me about 6 months from world-bottomed-out to swearing-in. My second take-away from the whole mess is that I have very good friends. When I needed it most, I had friends who gave me sound advice, friends who gave me a place to stay or a lead on a place to stay, and friends who prayed for me that I might figure out what the heck I was supposed to do with my life. Four years later, I still can't thank all of you enough. I don't know what I would have done without you all. I don't want this post to be anything more or less than a sort of placeholder. I remember what happened. I try to remember it as objectively as possible which isn't ever easy. But this post isn't meant to be a sad/angry rant OR a 'Everything's Great Now' post. It's just a post.

Red Curtains and Falling off the Internet

So... instead of waiting for something profound to come to me in perfectly formatted and amazing blogworthy awesomeness, I have decided to just write about random stuff which is what I seem to do best. Right, so on the title... My dear readers (all 3-5 of you) probably already know as I have alluded to previously that I have had my working hours switched to what normal mortals term anything from 'pretty odd' to 'downright ungodly'. This has afforded me some unique opportunities, not all of which I have taken advantage of. But I have learned a thing that I am posting on here because I am quite pleased with myself about it, even though it wasn't my own idea and was in fact suggested to me by someone else but hey, it worked and it's awesome so I'm blogging about it. I'm talking about red curtains. I had a brief look around, not at all comprehensive, looking for when and where red curtains were first used by people who had to work odd hours and sleep during the day but I struck out. Svenska reliably informs me that this is a done thing in Scandawhovia, although she also is striking out on the historicity of it. Anyway. When you're on a ship the lighting in berthing (except for during clampdown/inspection) is red instead of white because there's always a day sleeper or two (trying to catch forty winks despite said clampdown noise, inspection noise, flight quarters/man overboard/general quarters being called). Your eyes don't process red light and white light in the same way. So at a tip from a saltier sailor than myself, I invested 20 dollars into red sheets that completely and utterly clash with the rest of my decor (which tends to be refrigerator white, haze grey and navy blue- and the saddest thing about that is that it's _voluntary_). These delightfully clashing red sheets screen my windows and permit me to sleep during the day without the aid of an eyemask/my pillow/pulling the sheets over my head and boiling. It's amazing. I cannot recommend it highly enough. I put them up with a quantity of packing tape which I figured would annoy my landlady less than nails although I've decided in the interests of keeping it up I will have to alternate packing tape and a few carefully placed tacks. So yes. That was not at all profound. The second half of my post title is not the same as the first. I am not referring to myself when I mention falling off the internet although I have done that in the recent past... I'm referring to a writer whose work I thoroughly enjoyed years ago when I followed every update s/he (it's the internet- I'm pretty sure it's a 'she' but not certain) made with bated breath. This author had read something I'd written and liked it, and then went on to write a long, incredibly awesome play and credited me with partial inspiration for it. I was amazed. And then I got too busy for many things that once held my attention on the internet and even though their project wasn't finished, I stopped checking for updates. About a year ago, I remembered this project and I had to check again. I did and I found that nothing had been updated, _and_ I found the link to the author's blog and started reading. I don't really know what to say. Their blog was a compelling, incredibly painful read. As I read it I felt as though I was reading something that I myself could have written had my life taken a different turn in my teens. I felt I had so much in common with this person who had a deep love for Tolkien's Silmarillion, and then that there was this enormous gulf between us where I'd chosen to keep the faith I'd been raised in _despite_ my parents, and this person had suffered incredibly and not been able to keep his/her faith. Not only had they not been able to keep it, they were going around attacking it for good measure. It was such a strange read. Anyway. Today I checked again for updates, no luck. Worse, the site that had originally hosted the project was not in good repair/recently updated. I found a mirror and was able to get some of the project and I'll be checking back until I can get everything that was up. And I thought about how you don't know what happens when people stop posting where you're used to seeing them. Sure they might be somewhere else, or using a different screen name or something. They might be just fine but no longer have the same interests. But not knowing and silence on the line can be a bit worrying. Why should I worry about this total stranger? I've read their writing, and that's more than I've done with the majority of people I work with or see eery day. It's a little different somehow than a total stranger. Even if the ideas I have about this person are completely wrong, I feel like I should pray for them and I hope they're all right (now would be a good time to point out that the artificial invention of single pronouns for persons of unknown gender is irritating to me yet I do wish that like some languages we had a nongendered way of referring to one person.. it would be handy in rare situations like this because saying 'they' and 'them' when I really mean just one person rather than more than one is driving me nuts). I know, I know how many people in Real Life who I'm praying for already, or should be praying for and haven't thought of it yet, and I'm going to add one more person to the list? Well. Yeah. And, dear readers, I would like to ask you to pray for this person too. We might never know who they are or what if anything happened with them, but that's life. That's something I'm working on, trying to realize that the small things count, and that it's all right if we don't know how or why that works in this lifetime.

Merry Christmas!

.... I'm not late. I have until at least 6 January to celebrate Christmas and if I'm feeling _very_ energetic or very behind on the sending of Christmas presents, I have until February 2nd. So there.
December has gone by in a bit of a blur due to scheduling demands. Nightshift does weird things to your brain. For me it gave me very, very vivid and strange dreams when I slept during daylight hours. It also contributed a bit to my uncharitable thoughts about my neighbors (yelling during hours of daylight) and apartment maintenance (leafblowing in the afternoon...seriously not cool).
I spent my nights off awake and a little bored. A lot of things that I think should be open are closed at night, such as shops, museums, aquariums, movie theaters, and restaurants. I discovered the handful of 24 hour places, mainly 2 Walmarts, 2 IHOPs, a Subway and a Denny's. I know some people can do 'extra long days' and switch to daytime hours for their off time but I knew that wouldn't work for me. Once I switched to nights I had to make a serious commitment and I did. It worked pretty well. I was blessed to have Christmas off and was able to go to my favourie local liturgy. Looks like I'll also have New Year's off, and my glorious plan for that day is to pack like someone who's forgotten how to pack smart in anticipation of visiting Tbro and sister-in-law. It occurs to me that I either don't have a nickname for her or I have forgotten it... either way, I shall have to come up with something.

In other news, I have (sort of) come to terms with the fact that I have curly hair. This isn't exactly a revelation, but since my earliest days I have had difficulty coping with what Nature has seen fit to bless me with. I have only saved myself from years of heat-damage from straightening irons because I have been afraid of burning my ears. I have only saved myself from damaging my hair with scary, industrial strength chemicals because I am cheap and couldn't justify paying THAT MUCH for something that might result in my hair becoming brittle and breaking like...graham crackers. Or something. Graham crackers doesn't seem to be quite apt but it'll do for now.
Anyway, point being, my hair is relatively healthy and quite definitely curly. I've decided to start respecting it more. To this end, I'm experimenting with a better way to clean and condition it than the products I'm currently using. I'm just starting to think though how drastically different my life might have been if I'd figured this out as a teenager instead of going around with poofy, dried-out and unhappy hair. Well, you live and you learn. Thinking about going with a dramatically shorter haircut that respects my curls. Not sure if I can pull this off properly considering uniform requirements. Just read the regs governing hair again and I think the biggest problem might be the two inch rule plus the fact that curls are no symmetrical.
Still thinking.
Anyway... Things to clean, stuff to make ready, etc. Literally 24 hours left of work until leave!

Nanowrimo Ate My November...

Which is why I haven't posted on here at all, all month.
Anyway.
Happy feast of St. Andrew to my several friends named Andrew. St. Andrew is the patron saint of Scotland and also apparently of reformed prostitutes. Who knew?

So, novel. No, I'm not going to post it here... I think most of it will never see the light of day in its current form. It needs several years of research and I need to learn German, Hungarian and Slovak... Or at least two out of the three.
Anyway, to make up for no posts all month, I will post the haikus from my novel. These haikus were found using a haiku finder. For a novel of this length (just over 50k), there are a fair number of haikus. For a while I had one about every ten pages. And then at about the same time that the plot went alternate universe, most of the haikus dried up. Oh well.
Haikus below!

“What happened?” I asked.
I didn’t like the way everyone
was staring at me.

He looked miserable,
but I had no idea
what he was saying.

When the last notes had
died away, we all sat still
for a few minutes.

"Nothing but an itch,"
he muttered, scratching his back
where it bothered him.

E-even with all
the propaganda, the truth
will out by what isn’t said!

I could see nothing.
Complete and total darkness
obscured my vision.

Haiku finder here-http://mrfeinberg.com/haikufinder/

Another year older...

not sure how much wiser and not really feeling older yet. Ten years ago I couldn't imagine I'd be where I am now so I'm not going to try to figure out where I'll be ten years from now! Younger selves, whether from just last year or from half a lifetime ago, seem so much younger and sillier than our present clever selves.
So, every year is a gift from God. It's like a new notebook or blank canvas. It's meant to be filled, and I'm looking forward to that in the months ahead. No idea what it's going to be like really, I'm not even going to try to guess.

So, me not posting anything for a long time isn't AT ALL unusual, although I have a rather better than usual excuse for this particular six months of absolutely nothing on this blog. And I was going to write this awesome post because I just got inspired standing in line at Panera but unfortunately I didn't manage to pack MacAlister's powercord... go me... I packed _sunscreen_ and not the power cord. But seriously if it's the only thing I forget this weekend, I'm doing pretty darn outstanding!

So right, inspiration in line at Panera. A post elsewhere entitled 'Can't Even Go to the Park' by a homeschooling mom talking about PDA in the park has been ticking over in the back of my brain. I was trying to think of where I was on the spectrum. I don't have kids yet so obviously my POV on PDA levels is quite different. And the PDA I couldn't help but see in line at Panera was obviously het. It still made me throw up in my mouth a little, which, right before a good meal is seriously suboptimal.

It wasn't gropey making-out or anything terribly obnoxious but it still provoked a reaction from me. It was hand holding, body holding, hand kissing, shoulder-kissing(??) and it made me think about what was and what wasn't acceptable PDA in public. Prior to this evening I had thought that I was pretty much okay with everything up to kissing in public. A peck on the cheek, okay. And these were just pecks but there were a LOT of them. And before I get any accusations of being some kind of voyuer I will repeat, I really couldn't help but see them. I did eventually stare at the sign over their head and roll my eyes theatrically. I did manage to stop myself from sighing audibly but it was a near run thing.

I realise acceptable PDA levels are different in different cultures, but sometimes I think it's just incredibly insensitive of couples to be so wrapped up in themselves and expressing their LURVE for each other at all times and in all places. I'm starting to think I've been in uniform for too long- if you SHOULDN'T do it in uniform you probably SHOULDN'T do it in public at all....

And on that, note that I said 'shouldn't' not 'can't' because I realise there are dumb people out there who 'do' anyway... and at least in my tiny corner of the world they can get masted for it.

Am I an evil grumpy single? Yup. Don't inflict your coupleness on the world, couples of the world!

(Sidenote: Would I be happy in an Islamic theocracy that prohibits PDA on pain of pain? Hell no. Because I believe that being able to choose to do the right thing is far superior to being FORCED to do the right thing...)
(Additional sidenote- link to the homeschooling mom's post will be provided at a later date and time when I have a powercord...)
Dedicated to: The couple in front of me in line at Panera that I will quite likely never, ever see again.
Coming soon! Catholic-bashing conversation overheard at Panera! Praying for infidels instead of overturning their soup bowls on their heads! (Why is it that the correct thing and the thing that would be entertaining are rarely the same?)

With Proper Precautions

So no pics as of yet, I still haven't betaken myself over to Best Buy to acquire the necessary cable but I REALLY have to because this 'entire memory card is full' thing is getting very old. And I have at least one friend who is patiently waiting for photos from over a year ago...
But back to the title of this post. Auntie Seraphic, of Seraphic Singles fame (buy her book, read her book, read her blog, she is awesome), recently posted about her experience of being locked out in the cold and the dark in a foreign country without means of contacting her husband. She brought up some very good points about preparedness and how she was more prepared as a Single than as a Married, or perhaps that her preparedness skills were slipping due to complacency.
I'm thinking about my ideas of preparedness and trying to see if they could use work. You see, I'm feeling very proud of myself due to a recent solo accomplishment. Can I get more cryptic? Yes. Will I? Maybe.
At any rate though, while on the whole I think I did well on this solo jaunt there were a few things that I would of course change if I had unlimited resources etc. For one, if I had any way to avoid it, I wouldn't go alone again. I know now that I _can_ go alone. Bad, terrible, horrible and nasty things will not happen to me simply BECAUSE I'm alone. They might, but my venturing out alone would probably not be the sole factor in it. Well, maybe.
At any rate, I found that by myself- and I mean, completely by myself, out of earshot and eyesight of strangers with an open and empty world around me- I talk to myself. Out loud. I'm pretty sure that's not great. I don't think it's a sign of the 'lock me up now' crazies, but I started to get irritated by my own need for constant audio commentary. It's just that even with signs of civilization around, and not _too_ far away, some part of me needs to be reassured that I'm still connected with the world at large or with some kind of society.
Occasionally, when I wanted to take a picture of a cool place with myself in the picture, I would get depressed because I have realised the misery that is taking a picture of oneself. It really isn't easy. You tend to end up either taking a picture of yourself blinking, or a picture that largely features scenery with half of your face in the picture on an edge.
All in all though, I only had a few really bad moments, the worst of which was once when I got a bit disorientated. I knew where I was when I started off, and I knew where I wanted to go, but somewhere along the way I missed a turn and ended up somewhere unfamiliar and more than a little scary. It was getting dark too, and that was the worst part of it. In daylight, I know the exact same place wouldn't have been nearly as frightening, but at night, on my own, I was really scared. I was especially scared because I had been doing so well. It was like... like riding a bike when you're still a bit wobbily. I'd been doing really well on straight bits and got the hang of corners, but all of a sudden I was pelting down a steep hill (ala Monterey) fraught with intersections with other streets, streetlamps and pedestrians.
Actually if there had been some more people it wouldn't have been so bad. I just had the feeling that I'd fallen off the edge and there was nothing. Finally though I came across some help- and found out that I'd been going pretty much exactly 180 degrees the wrong way. So I had to go back the way I'd come, and that was something I didn't like very much. I was so relieved when I found my landmark again and headed off in the correct direction, watching vigilantly- making sure I wouldn't make a similar mistake again.
So what are the proper precautions I'm talking about? Hmm... Still not really sure myself. I mean, the ones I took were 'blend in in every way possible', 'research' and 'stick to well-travelled areas'. What would I do differently? I honestly don't know. Did I have a wonderful time? Yes. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Would I recommend it? Yup. What would I change? I still have to come back to the fact that 'alone' is not my preferred mode, for all that I'm capable of doing it. I've learned some very valuable things about myself and the world at large, but in the future... who knows?

About February...

I blame it for being a short month containing way too many interesting things and way too little internet. But what's done is done and what hasn't been updated, hasn't been updated. Argh. Oh well.
What does the future hold? Massive uncertainty. I already thought I'd be somewhere else right now, if that makes any sense. But the advice 'Semper Gumbi' is very good and I'm trying to just keep that in mind as I feel like I'm swimming in an interminable sea of paperwork and 'training'.
But enough about me.
Pictures, for your entertainment, will follow at some point in the probably distant but not impossibly distant future. I need to find a cord for my camera. When I manage that, things will be different. I'm also considering buying a crappy little netbook type thing so I can keep doing the whole wordprocessing thing whilest in unusual and unpleasant places so that hopefully even if I have to backdate all entries, I will at least be able to give a once monthly update of life, the universe and everything else according to me.

Dear Myself,

You still haven't learned that you are to 'Never Again Volunteer Yourself'?! I know the offer was couched in terms of a 'safe, fun, learning experience' but are you out of your mind? You have tests next week! You're not feeling so great! You have a roommate moving in this weekend! Your room is a disaster area! Besides which, your stuff isn't ready and you'll probably spend all weekend in a haze of confusion, only to come back in time for PT bright and early. What are you thinking?
...
I see.
....
Argh. Fine. Whatever. But I told you here first that it wasn't a brilliant idea.
.....

Sincerely,
Me, Myself and I.

Anonymous Internet and Politics

I was listening to the radio yesterday and the man being interviewed was talking about that horrible crime committed by the insane young man in Arizona. The interviewee laid the blame less at the feet of the man who pulled the trigger, and more at the feet of those who 'used inflammatory language' and 'the anonymous internet hate-machine' saying tings like "I hope the zombie armies aren't about to come out of the woodwork.'
While I agree with him that teen pop culture has an unhealthy taste for zombies, vampires and gang violence, I was worried by his take on the internet- specifically anonymity on the internet.
Regarding the shooting in Arizona. I'm pretty sure the guy who did it was either off
his meds or undiagnosed and not taking meds. That being said I can return to the issue of anonymity.
I am part of a generation that has grown up with personal computers and the internet. It is not news to me. My brother is more technologically adept than I am, but I am still able to do everything I need/want to on the internet and I can make it look relatively easy. The man who was being interviews was from what is being called the 'technology immigrant' generation. He's like the guy who comes over from the mother country and learns just enough English to do simple transactions- buy groceries, find the restroom, say please/thank you.

I'm like someone whose parents came over from the mother country when I was still tiny and said parents were rich enough to get me into a good (non-bilingual) school, and I'm conversant in both languages. I can talk to the old people at my church and we understand each other 90% of the time (they lose me for a bit when they talk about things like canning fruit at home). I can also talk to people my age who've grown up in this country and I can understand them 90% of the time (though they lose me when they start talking about pop culture references from their own childhood).

The point of this rather over-extended analogy is that I have grown up with a different expectation of what the internet should be like. My friends and I were pissed as all get out when youtube started taking down videos with copyrighted material in them. We were used to being able to share media like that freely. Whether or not we should be able to is a topic for a different post. More to the point right now is the anonymity. People have many personas online, legitimate, deliberately cultivated personas. For example- you log onto your professional email and your personal email in the morning and you read your emails. After that, you sign in with a different screen name to your blog and write a post. After that, you go on Amazon to do some shopping, with a different screen name. Maybe you belong to a gaming forum or two and you have a screen name for each. That's easily six different screen names. Your professional one will probably be your right name or some clever play on your right name. Your personal one might be more flippant- perhaps referring to some hobby you have. Your blog screen name will probably be significant to you in some other way. While your Amazon screen name might be the same as your professional email address, Amazon studies what you buy and tailors its suggestions to you. It could be said that the website gets an idea of who you are- and that can be pretty amusing when you buy some really unrelated things! The gaming forums are the ones where I think it is most likely that who people think you are will have the least resemblance to who you really are. This, at least when it has happened to me, has been a combination of vagueness on my own part and a tendency of my fellow gamers to make assumptions based on who they are.
Is this wrong? No. My fellow gamers don't need to know my age, gender, profession, state of residence or anything else personal about me. All they need to know is that I like the same kinds of games that they do and that I'll be on at more-or-less this time a few days a week.
And I can't help it if they make assumptions about my age, gender, profession, state of residence or anything else personal about me based on stuff like "I enjoy reading history and historical fiction, I love cold weather and sudoku."

Sorry this post is a bit rambly, but I left to do other things and I can't seem to find the thread of it again... Anyway. Two more things I'll add, then I'll quit for the day.
First, I recently saw a video of an attack on a WoW funeral. No, it wasn't someone's character who had died, it was the player. Her friends decided to hold a memorial service for her online and it was attacked by a bunch of idiots. I know those people who were responsible later said things like "We wouldn't do something like that in real life" but the fact that they would do it _online_ because that makes it okay is not right. I also feel that was a failure on the part of the game designers to not have some kind of safe-zone or weapons/magic-free sanctuary where people could peacefully gather. Conduct online matters, if we don't all want to be labeled as part of the 'zombie army'.

Second, I have a confession to make. Once, years ago, I did use my internet anonymity 'for evil' as it were. Someone I knew had screwed up their own life considerably and was making great strides to screwing up the life of one my acquaintances. I was fed up with this person and I found their live journal. I read it, and I saw exactly how much of a mess their life was. If I'd been older I hope I would have been able to see that this person needed professional help. As it was, I was still so angry with the individual in question, that between what I knew from the lj and what I knew from real life, I had ammunition. So I commented anonymously on their live journal. I said some very hurtful and perfectly true things. I dug my nails into half-healed wounds and I ripped.
I shouldn't have done that. I know that now. I have no excuse.

Don't blame 'the internet hate machine' or 'the zombie army'. Blame people, poor decision making and human nature.

Nota bene: I hate the grammatical corkscrews that keeping someone gender-anonymous has caused but deal with it. For the record, I haven't seen or heard from the person in question for seven years and I hope I never will. I am praying for this person.

Resa-whatnow?

No. I'm not going to do it and you can't make me.
No resolutions will be posted on this blog. I won't say that there is no point in resolutions because they tend to fall apart after the first month (if it even takes that long). Resolutions work for some people and not for others. And some resolutions don't work for anyone. Anything incredibly drastic or life-altering is pretty unlikely to end up fulfilled at the end of a year. Anything vague enough can be wiggled out of. And honestly, when you don't even know if you're going to wake up in the morning, it seems a bit presumptuous to go around making resolutions.

Okay. Those are my thoughts on resolutions. I realise I'm probably in the minority on all of that. But whatever.

I hereby resolve one thing though- before I go on any transatlantic jaunts, I will make damn sure my room is clean. I am coming back to a clean, orderly, well-put-together room. This will happen if it kills me getting there and sometimes it feels like it just might.

In other news, I saw Tron tonight. It wasn't spectacular. It was very flashy and I believe that was 95% of the point.... so much for the other 5%. I wish someone would pay me to write a movie script...

If you can't say anything nice...

Okay, so I'll prefix this with the warning that it is out of chronological order. The incident I'm talking about took place on Wednesday, but I still feel the need to blog about it so here goes.
So on Wednesday there was a frocking ceremony. For those unfamiliar with Navy ways, it means people get to wear their shiny new insignia but won't actually get paid for it until the great powers that be in Wherevertheheckistan feel like paying them. (I'm serious- sometimes it takes multiple phonecalls and several months!)
Anyway. It's a big deal, everyone's dressed to the eights, lots of clapping and 'job well done'-saying.
So I got there absurdly early to get a good seat and before the ceremony starts, I start overhearing a conversation behind me. I can't help it, it's just how I'm wired. If you put a cereal box in front of me and say "Don't read this", I'll still read it. It's like a reflex action. Likewise, hearing the conversation of other people if they don't actually make the effort for me to not overhear them... Not proud of this, it's just how my ears work.
~
She: Argh. It's so frustrating to see these people getting advanced! How many of them really know their jobs? They're going to go out to the fleet and get people killed because they think they know what they're doing and they don't have a lick of sense between every five of them! Argh!

He: Mumblemuble>toughjob.butIguessyou'reright.
She: It drives me nuts to see them just handed this! Anywhere else this MEANS something. Here, people get on my case because I'm _just_ a first class! They think I'm a screwup who could have made chief already >rant revealing obvious insecurities goes here<.
~
It was longer and more heart-felt than that, and what I heard on the plus side was that there is a very concerned first class who's worried about the future of the Navy. On the negative side... that wasn't the time or place for such a rant. It's a ceremony about recognizing and advancing these people for their hard work.
Yes, I know, some of them haven't done the job yet. But some of them have. I know some of them will take this 'easy' advancement and abuse the hell out of their shiny new insignia. But some of them won't. I know some of them are lousy sailors. But some of them aren't.
And that first class's comments were an attempt on her part to cheapen what was happening. It was neither the time nor the place for such commentary. If this was such an issue to her, why didn't she write someone who cared? Why did she have to bring her issues to their party?
I should have been up there. Bad luck and a bum calendar kept me from that. I know quite a few people in a similar situation. Some of them are a little bitter about it. I'm not. Honestly, when I get there, I'll be better prepared than I would otherwise have been. But my not being up there didn't mean I had a right to criticise those who were as being inexperienced or lacking in professionalism. The first class's behavior was unsat. Oddly enough, it did nothing to further her 'cred' in my opinion. Prior to her tirade, I saw her as an established professional in our field and someone who I could learn from, even if not in a mentor-protege type situation. I felt that I could just talk to her about what we do in our jobs and that would be fine. Now, knowing her unabashed opinion of some of her juniors, I realise that while she may be an established professional, I wouldn't really want her as a mentor and I'm not sure if I'd want to ask her questions. She'd probably say "Look it up already, slacker!"
Newsflash- if I'm asking a professional question it's because I've already done the research and can't find what I'm looking for.
Argh.
Anyway. We are all human. We all have our failings and our weaknesses and our bad days. But advancement ceremonies/weddings/birthdays/major holidays are times when we have to strive to put our personal feelings aside and think of the other people around us. We have smile and be nice even when we don't feel like it. If she'd said that same rant over dinner in a restaurant to a friend, or even in the parking lot afterwards, it wouldn't have seemed so off.
I don't want to be like that, ever. If I ever do something like that then call me on it, okay?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving sort-of snuck up on me this year, but I have to say so far it's been amazing! For breakfast today I had sweet-potato pie (one of the few regionally southern things I appreciate so far). I then proceeded to clean the bathroom and do two loads of laundry. It felt very productive for a holiday so I had to make up for it by watching Dr. Who while folding the laundry.

Then I went to the command Thanksgiving party. It was an experience! Next time I won't get there quite so early. It's weird to be somewhere too early because you thought they might need more help and they don't but you're standing there awkwardly looking for something to do while people much older than you with much more energy run around doing a million and two things and won't let you help out... Tasty, tasty food and lots of it- turkey, ham, casserole, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, more pie and cake than you could shake a stick at. The guy who put it together was a professional chef prior to Navy life and it showed. The Important People showed up and shook hands all around, and despite them the mood was still festive though sadly non-alcoholic.

After the festivities, I volunteered to join the group taking the leftovers to the watchstanders and that was nice. It was awesome to be able to surprise people with plates of still warmish food. There were even a few whole leftover pies. They had leaf decorations on them made out of crusts- detailed to include lines on the leaves. Really magnificent presentation.

On a more personal note, on Thanksgiving I am particularly thankful for:
My family (near/far, sane/otherwise)
My friends (the family one gets to pick!)
My coworkers (peers and superiors- don't have any subordinates)
My domicile (which will be even cleaner by the end of this four-day weekend)
My roomie (who has the patience of one of the beatified if not a saint)
My job (hurrah for gainful employment)
My car (which will also be cleaned this weekend)
My health (which aside from another round of shinsplints couldn't be better)
My faith (which praises the often forgotten virtue of gratitude)

All in all, it has been a wonderful day.

Wikipedia Random Article...

is reading my mind and it is kind of creepy.
But it's kind of nice too, that the random article feature even exists. I use it frequently on breaks between classes. I rarely feel like I have time to dash over to the coffee shop -even though I could probably get away with it- and the coffee shop is the only place near enough that I could even hope to get to on a break. I think I need to start bringing a non-class-related book to read over the breaks, because my poor little brain is shrivelling. It's soo unhappy right now. I can see why a lot of my more senior colleagues have taken to drinking. But wikipedia random article is sustaining me for now. I've learned all kinds of useless things about many places and things, and even people sometimes. I have read about sports teams, a monument in China, Olympic athletes, bugs, inventors, my former area of expertise (FAE) and many, many more things.
Most of it is completely useless. All of it is random, so if anyone's taking note, they are going to think that I am very, very strange.

I wish I had more interesting things to talk about, especially because I think I might actually have a readership right now. But whatever. Got a visitor coming from Savannah today- not getting here until five. Not sure what we're going to do this evening. Whole thing's a bit awkward.

Test on Monday- argh. Looking forward to the holiday weekend, will probably go to the command T-day party and then help bring food to the people who are standing the watch.

The hiatus

So... yep. It's been almost a month since I've posted on this blog. And I have a perfectly good excuse- class has been trampling me into a fine paste. Well, that and the unfall. Seriously not cool.

So what's happened in the past month? I had my birthday- a midweek birthday so not a whole lot to shout about. I didn't even have a drink on my birthday as I'm prepping for the upcoming PRT on Tuesday- probably.

And the accident... I'm not going to forget that in a hurry and I wish I could. I really wish I could. It wasn't my fault, I wasn't hurt and Roderich's still driveable, but...

But every time I have to hit my breaks, or every time a driver on these stupid roads around Ft. SINYF fails to indicate/rides my rear/does something incredibly stupid, I break out in a cold sweat and start to think my time may have come- again. It was really bad, the week of the incident. I couldn't drive. Thankfully it was my carpool's turn anyway, but I couldn't have driven if my life depended on it. Even now, I can still remember what it felt like. The feeling first, the noise of it second, the terror throughout.

But I have good shipmates- they found me after my hysterical phone call once all the cars were safely off the highway. Greg7 and BigScaryJ showed up and I'd never been so happy to see them before. Greg7 hugged me and told me everything was going to be fine. I hugged him back. I was so upset and scared and unhappy and just knowing that there was a friendly person right there that I could hold onto was very comforting. The police actually asked if we were married and made some comment about my ring and I made a shaky, angry comment back about being married to the Navy. There were a lot of phone calls to/from chain of command people, but the most important thing was that Greg7 and BigScaryJ were there when the cops wanted to throw me in jail for driving without insurance. Needless to say I DID have insurance, but my insurance company had failed to communicate adequately with the DMV. Without Greg7 and BigScaryJ there, I don't think I would have had the presence of mind to ask the police to call my insurance company- which they did, and immediately found that I DID have insurance, just like I said.

BigScaryJ drove my car somewhere safe and Greg7 gave me a ride to the party I had been going to- the one that he had left to come find me. I drank some horrible tea that was surprisingly enough a pretty good remedy for shock, and spent the whole party in a daze on the couch- not really asleep but not really there. Not concussed, just really, truly freaked out. But I have good friends. They made sure I got home and everything was fine. I don't think Greg7 really will ever know how helpful he was and how glad I was to see him. He can be a difficult person to deal with/understand sometimes, but I am glad that he is one of my shipmates.

Dinner: Much more difficult than it looks

As I write this, I am sipping on a protein shake. Not for any special love of protein shakes, mind you. It is Friday and on Fridays (and Wednesdays for that matter) if I remember, I go meatless. It took me a while to find this particular variety of shake mix as I wanted one with no artificial sweeteners- which I found out was more or less asking for the very-difficult-though-not-impossible. But I am not here to talk to you about protein shakes, or about the expensiveness of organic milk (which, for three and a half dollars a half-gallon had better be taken from a cow who has a better diet than I do!), but of the wacky differences between people- most specifically between me and my roomie.
You see, we are very different people.

Roomie cheerfully gets up at oh-dark-thirty on a non-pt day to go mow grass.
I drag my sorry self to pt three days a week, whinging all the way both in real life and on this blog.

Roomie is a neat-freak with a neat-freak's room.
I am relieved to find out that my carpet is under there somewhere.

Roomie thinks [s]margirine[/s] [s]margerine[/s] [s]margerin[/s]... FAKE BUTTER is just as good as real butter in cooking and baking.
I think that stuff is not far enough away from plastic in its chemical composition.

Roomie watches work-related stuff on the weekends and studies for job-related stuff.
I watch the Last Airbender and MST3K.

Roomie puts away the blender as one cohesive whole.
I put it away in four, sometimes five parts.

And therein lies the tale.... Perhaps you guessed it when I dwelt at length upon the difficult-to-find protein shake, or the expensive milk. So.
When I put away the blender in four or five parts, I do so because I thoroughly clean the blender. And because, truth be told, we have plenty of room in the kitchen cabinets. Returning for a moment to the thorough cleaning of the blender and its bits, there is a rubberized plastic ring that goes between the spinny bit and the glass bit. This ring is pretty much all important in the proper running of said blender. This afternoon when I reached for the blender, I saw that Roomie had put it all together- but I wasn't so easily fooled! I'd seen my mom drop the bottom part of the blender on her foot* because she thought it was firmly screwed into the base and it wasn't! So, I pulled out the top part of the blender (spinnything, glass part and lid) first, and then the bottom part. I put the top part securely back onto the bottom part and got a banana and the milk from the fridge. I poured the milk- and I'd poured almost a full shake's worth before I realized that it was spilling all over the counter. Yep. You guessed it. The all important rubber bit was not where it was supposed to be. And there went the lovely organic milk. There went my dinner. I was too fed up to do anything more with it, ironically enough because I hadn't had anything to eat. So I said "Screw it, I'm going out!" and I went out and got chik-fil-a. Good idea.
You know, this whole thing seemed a lot more blog-worthy when I began it...
Whatever.


* I must specify here that I can't remember if it was my mom or my dad** who did this, but on the whole I think it's more likely that my mom did this. It's the sort of thing she would do...
**Lest you think my home life was even weirder than it actually was, I will point out that I have a memory like a steel sieve. I know this incident occurred, in my house. Exact details escape me. Aren't you glad I don't have jury duty?

Soo slow...

So, a cooperative project... no, scratch that, TWO cooperative projects, one recently revived the other brand new, are currently moving slower than molasses. It's very frustrating because I feel there's nothing I can do in either case. Well, that's not strictly true. In the revived project, I could write something more. But in the new one I'm really waiting on other people and I find this hugely frustrating, because I'm pretty sure that as soon as I start class everything will pick up and it'll get frustrating to keep all ducks in their correct rows.
On a more positive note, I had amazing homemade enchiladas for lunch today, courtesy of Svenska, whose apartment looks a lot more put-together than mine does. We discussed the possibility of a shared birthday party after the PRT. We'll see what happens. I'd like it but I'm not going to hold my breath. I'm also kinda annoyed that my birthday probably will fall in my first week of class. Yippee. On the upside, Navy Day Ball should be FREE this year! Meaning my only expense will be getting a room for staying after! And I'm seriously thinking about doing that because I fully intend to drink, dance and have a wonderful time! And unlike Sunny Point, the safe-ride program here seems woefully inadequate. And if I did safe ride, I'd have to come back and get my car the next day. So all things considered, I think the hotel room would be the cheapest option. Now I need to find someone to split the costs with because I think it's dumb to book a two-bed room if you don't have AT LEAST one other person staying with you.
However if it comes right down to it and I can't get someone else, I will just eat the expense and call it part of my birthday present to myself.

AugWriMo

So I should be working on the WriMo, but I don't want to. I've been reduced to having a character of mine work in thinly disguised bits of real world history. None of these characters have turned out quite the way I thought they would. And honestly my attention is kind of being stolen by the party in the back of my brain that claims that they ALL fell down some stairs and hit themselves upside of the head on both sides. Really. Dangerous stairs in this port. Very dangerous stairs. Except for the one clever cloggins who insists that he hit himself repeatedly while drunk. Nothing to see here, sir. Nothing at all.
They intrigue me. They really do.
But I will be strong! I will stick to one story at a ti- oh we know how well that's worked in the past... But really. Tonight I will break 10k if it kills me. And then I just have 20k more to go because I'm not going for the big 5-0. I couldn't, not now anyway. Maybe in September if I'm still stuck on the 'let's weed with screwdrivers' team. So now, I shall stop procrastinating and get back to work!
Oh, for any amongst the readership that cares, the whole babysitting thing this weekend went off well and without a hitch. Much fun and ever so grateful to be single and childless still!