I am still kind of in disbelief about passing my finals. It's over with. It's done. It was HARD. The second one was killer. On the break I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like it was a done thing and not in a good way at all. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to pass. My head hurt, my eyes hurt and I just wanted to be done. I wanted to go back in and answer all the remaining questions 'c'. But I didn't. I made myself take the whole break, then refocus. And I was there until the last five minutes and the last few questions were very, very hard to sit through. I did some serious educated guessing. But I made it. Non nobis, Domine!
Now all I have to worry about is re-certifying in a year... yipee...
So, then followed the epic packing out of DOOM. I'm gradually becoming more convinced that I was doing it wrong in some respects. Hindsight being what it is, I should have looked into getting a car a LOT sooner, but I didn't. And honestly, if what I am hoping for works out, it'll all be okay. I honestly don't see how I could have done things much differently. If I hadn't listened to TBro, I would have gone ahead and made plans to buy MarineWife's car a lot sooner. And then there wouldn't be this down-to-the-wire worry. But there is. And that's that.
Honestly sometimes I feel like if my life was going really smoothly and trouble-free I would start worrying that I was in a coma or a snow-globe world.
As far as all that goes though, my life has gotten a lot easier in some respects since I joined the Navy. Some people would say that the military gives you discipline. This is completely untrue. I know a lot of undisciplined people in the military. I'd say it would be more accurate to say that if you want to put your life in order, the military might help give you a framework in which to do so. If that makes sense. It's the difference between someone standing over you and shouting at you to clean your room and put everything on shelves and you being given a clean room with shelves and being told to have at.
I'm definitely in favour of the 'there are shelves but you actually have to have the inclination to shelve your books' school of thought. And some people would object, saying that if you have weekly inspections, you might as well have someone standing over you and shouting at you about cleaning your room but that's not really true.
There was something else I was going to say here but I can't remember what it was. All I can say is that I'm grateful for the shelving. Shelving is good.
As far as getting a car sooner... I know I am at the upper end of the average age of first-time car buyers, but oh well. I lived in the suburbs growing up, I lived out of the country for a while and I didn't get my full license until I was nineteen or twenty. These things happen. I'm not that weird. Really, in the past year and some change I have had no pressing and urgent need to get a car. The town I was living in had a better than decent public transit system, and the town itself was within walking distance from where I lived and safe to walk around. Occasionally I needed to get further afield and while I hate being dependent, I had a friend I could ask for a lift, or I could borrow or rent a car. I saved myself lots of money and was able to put a lot towards my student loan. That was really important. I'd go so far as to say that was the priority as far as spending money went.
Sometimes, I was irritated by what I saw going on around me. I know of not one but two fellow sailors (both younger and male) who went through two cars in their time there. What the heck?! I don't have the money to get into that kind of trouble! Granted, the one guy had a tree fall on his car so it wasn't entirely his fault, but still...
When I get something, I try to take care of it, and I try to use it until it is no longer usable. I realise that this isn't always possible. Trees happen, accidents happen, but I really try to conserve my resources. And as for the 'car-free living' types, I admire them but the ones who are living outside of a major metro area are deluding themselves if they think that the vast majority of Americans are ABLE to give up their cars. I know I don't really want a car, but by all accounts I will need to have one. Everything is so far apart that I apparently have no choice. And unlike Sunny Point, the base I am going to does not have an on-base bus system. This makes me very sad.
Wow... this post is getting to be kind of long... Maybe I should make it in two parts? Nah...
So anyway. Here I am in the Midwest's 'Biggest Small Town' (I think that's what they call it). Honestly I have missed it. There are nice places around here. Oh- and they have a bus system here which works well on weekdays but not so much on weekends. And the schedule is kinda hard to find. But anyway. I like it. I've kind of missed it. And I got to do some TAD here which was nice. Not hard at all. I really enjoyed it. Kinda sad I'll never actually get to be a recruiter. I think I'd like it, but I could be completely wrong. Having to deal with people day in and day out and the perpetually reputation my job would have for being dishonest might really get to me after a while.
What else?
Oh yes... upcoming wedding! The much anticipated nuptials of Tbro and May!
Man, I have never felt like more of a fifth wheel in my life..l. The parents are flying in today, and the happy couple is insanely busy. Tonight they have dinner with one of May's relatives. I'm cool with that. The parents are probably going to get their own dinner, then head to their hotel room. The parents want me to stay with them, and honestly Tbro's couch has been sufficient for me until now but it is getting a little old to wake up around three AM because the cushions are coming apart and I am falling into the middle of the couch... And Tbro wants me out of the house by Thursday night. I understood Friday night, and I guess I'm okay with Thursday night, and I may even just do him a favour and leave Wednesday night to stay with the parents. It can't be all bad if Uncle Alighieri and LittleA are going to be in town. Perhaps we could take LittleA mini-golfing?
I just feel pretty useless right now. The groom's family has always struck me as being... not exactly superfluous but not nearly as important as the bride's family. Perhaps this is my bias as having only ever been part of the bride's party. The groom's family has in my mind until now been the rehearsal dinner providers and that's about it. Well, now I'm part of the groom's family and am part of the bride's party only insofar as I will be wearing a dress. A green and pink dress. If I have any readers at all, and if they know me IRL, I really don't need to say anything more.
This is May's big day. I'm really happy for her and Tbro both. They are a lot smarter and more ready than a lot of people give them credit for. I really hope for the best for them. I think they will be happy for a very long time. They know what they're getting themselves in for. The first five years will have their moments of utter frustration, but they'll work through it and everything will be fine. I am very, very happy for them!
About the only thing I can honestly say I'm not thrilled about is that I know that Tbro will immediately equate marriage with instant maturity and at every possible opportunity will say something like "As a married man, I think you ought to..."
Which will be really irritating. But despite that, I'm happy for him.
And I'm going to be more alone than ever before. Tbro will have grownup status in our parents' eyes anyway. He is definitely no longer a kid as far as they're concerned. But me- three years older? I'm still a kid, sort of, and not in a good way. Occasionally Dad, who knows exactly how much money I make per month, helps me out a bit. And I appreciate that more than I can properly say. I'm not really a dependent any more, I file my own taxes and I have my own insurance, but I'm definitely not about to say no to a little help here and there. But I'll take the help. I won't take much else, especially from Mom, but that's neither here nor there.
And my closing thoughts for this lengthy post will be... odd.
I can sometimes obsess on that 'could have been's and 'should have been's of both history in general and my life in specific. I vividly remember some turning points of my life- turning points that were completely out of my control. I look back on them and wonder how my life would have been different or better (or worse) if things had gone the way I planned before my plans were smashed to bits. Most of the time, I try to avoid thinking about these things. I find them upsetting and I know it's not much use to dwell on the could haves. But then I follow a train of thought like this.
If I hadn't gone to summer camp, I wouldn't have met KTQ. If I hadn't met KTQ, I would never have visited the Midwest. If I'd never visited the Midwest, my parents would probably never have gotten up the interest in the diocese to move out here. If they hadn't moved out here, Tbro would never have met May and they wouldn't be getting married this coming Friday. When I think about things like that, I shiver a little because I think about plans I had that didn't make it. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it would have all ended in disaster. But I wish I knew.
